Dear Global Warming Experts, I was wondering if you could please forward to me, a report on when I might hope to enjoy the effects of your promised Global “Fever”  You see, as I write this request, the current temp is ahhh really cold!! And I just got done watching news clips of the Midwest digging out from under record breaking mountains of what should have been April Showers.

    I love my convertibles and my boat. I tuck them away each fall and wait for the long cold winter to pass so that I may resume my life. You see, I hate winter and everything about it. I love to go places and do things with my sons, but if it entails venturing into the cold and snow, there they go alone while I huddle on the coach watching Barret Jackson car auctions and the travel channels tropical dream vacations.

    Occasionally I bundle up and go by the barn where I peek under the car covers and plan for warmer days. But all in all, until I can afford a heated garage, nothing gets done to them when it’s cold.

   So please Mr. Gore, I made it through eight years of un-kept promises while you were V.P. but this is just too much to bare, because by not delivering on the heat, my cars and I are stuck in the barn when we should be on the road, and as for the tidal surges from melting glaciers, I've got the boat!    

    So now I’m thinking that instead of recycling my worn truck tires, maybe I’ll burn them for the heat and of course to increase my “carbon footprint”  as best I can!  Anyway, I’ve got to go throw another log on the fire.

Last Guy out, get the lights. Jeff